Blindsight

file:unknown

The scary realization of just how unknown the future is hit me yesterday. I have been so caught up in the present, that the future just wasn't on my mind. And something is happening right now that is NOT something I am used to. It's scary. And real. And causing my mind to drift off into the future. To places it doesn't belong.

I'm frightened, Auntie Em, I'm frightened.

And trying to get my grip back on the present, without hindering the possibilities of the future. And trying to to put too much weight on this stupidly scary situation. And I keep telling myself, I'm cool. I can do this. And I keep thinking of all of the possible outcomes. And turning off the brain is near impossible.

And i look into my future and my vision is empty.

And I'm relieved, and scared shitless at the same time.

and also being over dramatic. because, really it's not that big of a deal.

right.... right?

Waste Not Wednesday: Joy Germs

I was going through some of the footage of the Zombie Fashion Show I was a part of a week ago. I came across this clip, and cringed.

Ugh. ew. who laughs like that? so awkward. so loud. so obnoxious. I thought back to previous times I have watched myself on camera. And always the same reaction. "EW". How can people stand that? I am such a loud obnoxious human being.

But Later that night, I went into my place of employment, grabbed a beer, sat at the bar and started having a conversation with a co-worker. Something made me laugh, and I can only assume it sounded something like this clip. Instantly another of my co-workers quickly turned his head-realizing only by the sound of my laughter that I was there- and let out a somewhat mocking impression of it, and then smiled a big fat cheesy grin. (this particular co-worker of mine is in the very regular habit of mocking my laughter on a daily basis)

Only a few days before that my boss was mentioning how she always knows when I am working, because she can hear my laughter in the back room. (if you understood the noise level & layout of this particular alehouse I speak, you know how much of a feat that really is).

After all this I, of course, start thinking back to past jobs where boss's & co-workers have said similar things. "we always know when Emily is around, you can't miss that laugh anywhere." I've always been aware that I am a loud individual, and that I have a very boisterous laugh.


I am not so narcissistic as to sit at home and analyze the sound of my own voice and the reactions it causes in the world- usually. But in doing so this day, I came to a conclusion that I will now wrap up in a cute little package with a pretty pink ribbon, just for you...

open it

WHILE I am laughing I don't think about how I sound in the slightest. Because the mere fact that I AM laughing, means that I am filled with joy. And that laughter is how I am expressing my joy. And while it might seem (and it did for a while) that when my co-worker mocks my laugh (ps-he's not the first one to ever do so) that he is making fun of me, and maybe I should be offended (me?never!)- the truth is that after he mocks my laugh, he lets out his own brand of laugh. I gave him the joy bug. You see, Joy is contagious. (google it)


Proof:

sibling joy

exploiting friends' joy

The point behind all this nonsense is this: Laughter & Joy are not meant to be analyzed. They are meant to be shared.

And if you care about what you look/sound like when you laugh- you're missing the point.

My joy is a gift that I give through my laughter. And embarrassment can't keep me from sharing it with the world....


AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!