raise your hand if

... you spent six years devoted to watching LOST
... you still have a million questions
... you are disappointed with the finale.



my hand remains by my side.

and not just because I'm typing.


no. I did not devote 6 years to the show. I devoted 6 days (and i mean entire days) and 4 months to the story that is 'Lost'. and while i loathed the fact that i finally got sucked in, i enjoyed (almost) every minute of it.

while i agree there were questions left "unanswered", I myself, have no more questions i need/want answered.

it seems to me, the majority of viewers have missed the point of the show.

it was never about the time traveling, or the polar bear, the brainwashing room, the tranceivers, or the heroin statues.

it was about the people.fate.faith.love.hope.loss.togetherness.

the show itself brought people together. got us talking. got us using our brains. and yes, got us focused on every detail we could possibly spot. and in the end, its not about those things at all. its about the big picture. the characters' journey's and their redeeming qualities. It's about the struggle, and the ways we deal with struggle. how the lives we lead affect the lives of those around us. and being more aware. and yes, letting go. of all of the things that you have no control over. of all of the little details that end up being inconsequential.

life will never provide us with all the answers we want, but if you let go, and stop asking "why?", accept what has happened, look at the big picture, and realize its beautiful in all of its ups & downs, and both the "What the Fuck" moments and the "ah HA!" moments.

our feet may leave, but not our hearts

When I came back to Maryland it was with purpose- and I am fulfilling that purpose daily. Its not really something that I will ever be done. A lifelong, ongoing, purpose.

It feels great to be home. I get to live, work, create, love, get wacky, laugh, work out, and pretty much do everything else with my best friend, my shlish. And its been a long time coming for us to share so many experiences with each other again. On the same note, I am so thankful to be able to spend time with my brother. He was pretty young when I left, and i will always hold a little bit of guilt in my heart for not being there while he was growing up. I feel like this is my chance to make up for lost time. And while it has usually been at separate times lately- being with my parents is always a good reminder of where I came from, who I am, and what I am capable of being. Really. This home is good to me. This home is good for me.

Aside from the joys of being with my family and friends, I have been spending time doing THINGS that I love. Creating. Driving the back roads. Walking barefoot in the grass. Enjoying everything the East Coast has to offer this time of year. All the while learning new things that I have always wanted to learn and having a job that lets me express myself creatively. Its pretty amazing.

still ...

I do have another home. I have faced the realization that I will always be leaving one home to get back to the other.

And recently my love for Ocean Beach has been flooding back into my life. Through videos I stumbled upon, and email updates, and voicemails from dear friends. I have been reminded so much in the past 3 days of just how much I love living in Ocean Beach, San Diego- I just know I will be back. This was always the idea. This was always the "plan" when I came back to Maryland. But it just feels so good to reassure myself that it IS my other home. I am allowed to have more than one.

I will never have the Appalachian trail in San Diego. I will never have Dog Beach in Maryland. I will never have the smell of manure baking in the sun in OB, and I will never have the salty breeze in the air in Middletown. But I will always feel at home, whether I'm on Monument Rd, or Newport Ave. And I am extremely grateful that I have found in 2 places what some cannot find anywhere.