I Have Been Inspired

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I have been doing some "youtubing" recently to find some interesting videos to capture the attention of hundreds of teens attending a youth conference. I had originally planned on compiling a bunch of silly videos, set it to music, and be done with it. Until i found this guy. Am I late? looks like it. This video won Time Magazines #2 viral video of the YEAR. His Youtube channel has 68,000+ subscribers. He has made commercials, which I recognized, for big name companies. The point really isn't when I found PES. Its that I discovered him at all.

I have always wanted to delve into the world of stop motion animation. I have seen inordinate amounts of stop motion shorts, music videos, and commercials. But Western Spaghetti got me. And it got me good.

I decided to use the 20 min of time I have with these youth (5 four minute segments) and tell a story (ish) using stop motion animation. I feel like i keep saying this, but this will be my first real video-brainchild. Something I have little to no boundaries with. Something that will allow me to unleash my creative juices on the WORLD.

yikes.

to say I'm nervous is an understatement.
to say I'm qualified is an overstatement.
to say I'm ready, willing, able, excited, and INSPIRED... well that's just my statement.



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A Drooling Tribute to my Favorite Nut: THE Almond.

It would be better if Steve wrote this "review" himself. He already understands the weight of his words. He knows what he wrote about himself is true for so many of us out there. That’s why he wrote it. He knows he is not alone. He knows we needed those words. He knows he is the one who can deliver them in such a way that we collectively ban together, physically & mentally, to give each other the nod. The nod that so simply states “I understand you, I am with you. Let’s fucking rock out”

Confused? I speak of the book, Rock & Roll Will Save Your Life, by the man who very rapidly became my favorite author. It was (Not That You Asked) that convinced me I loved his writing style, his content, his devotion, his humor. It was Candyfreak that breathed achievement into my cavities, and cleared away my guilt as I finished an entire box of nerds almost daily, realized I was NOT the only one who felt that way about circus peanuts, and reminded me of simpler times with simpler candy. It was the first chapter of Rock & Roll that convinced me, that as of April 13 2010, Steve Almond is my favorite author.

Every page was a new journey, truth, laugh, or squeal. I read passages aloud(sometimes falling on deaf ears)- so enthralled with every word I just had to share. Someone else had to know how perfectly this book described me, my thoughts, my feelings.

I finished the book today. I was dragging my feet a lot with this book. I did not want it to end. Every word is truth. He managed to harness the energy of so many musicians that we drool over, and spew out an entire book of words that he most definitely pulled out of MY brain. And when he wasn’t taking the ideas from my brain, he was putting them in. When I wasn’t squealing at a mention of Patty Griffin, Bob Schneider or Hem- I was adding artists to my ever growing list of “musicians to most likely fall in love with” . Any reference that wasn’t taken from me, was aimed at me- as if to say “HEY! You there! Go check out this fucking cd/artist/song. You know you will love it” I think I even found myself talking back to the book at times, with my own suggestions. This is something we thrive on... us “Drooling Fanatics”.

Steve successfully coined the term “Drooling Fanatic” and defined it brilliantly, poetically, and with brutal honesty. He lit up our strengths and called out our weakness’. With this book Steve has no doubt created an underground army. An army of emotionally fragile people full of musical arrogance, with the power to change the world-but who are too preoccupied organizing their music libraries to do so. People holding onto rare artifacts thrown by sweaty musicians. Musicians we can’t help but love so deeply, its sick- yet feels so right.

I will never be ashamed of my alphabetized record/cd collection, the size & contents of my iPod, the disgusting amounts of knowledge I possess about hundreds of musicians, and the amount of time I dedicate to learning more. I am not alone. I am not the only one who is left dumb and stumbling over words in the presence of rock god-dom. Steve has explained me, so I don't have to.

My Name is Emily. And I am a Drooling Fanatic.









“Maybe it was the music itself--the sounds as my body and heart received them--that the magic resided. Maybe my failure was some kind of subconscious effort to preserve the joy of being a Drooling Fanatic.”

Just as so many musicians have crept into my heart, soul, brain and made the most amazing music “just for me”; Steve Almond has done the same with Rock & Roll Will Save Your Life.


That "review" would have been better if Steve wrote it himself.



side note: I have been challenged by Steve, in this book to create my "Desert Island Discs" list(only 10 YIKES). I shall attempt, in time, to successfully complete this list. stay tuned...

"I am looking for a 'dare to be great' situation

Today I took a step... the first step.

there are more than 12 in this program.

I talk of Adobe After Effects.
I really only started "officially" editing video about 6 months ago.
Final Cut was easy, in theory. I had general knowledge, and previous "experience" (read:fucking around for years with Windows Movie Maker/ iMovie) And though Final Cut is a way more in depth program than those, once i have the building blocks, it seems as though I can fake it til I make it, which is exactly what I did.

And then I got ambitious.

And then I got After Effects. And not the "after effects" that you get from a night of drinking, or sleeping with your cousin.
This program holds so much in it's confines, its almost threatening to my life. The potential is scary and exciting at the same time.



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This is what I'm looking at & dealing with. Seeing a gigantic mound of ice, sitting above water. Not knowing what to do with it... and knowing still there is more waiting for me that I haven't even seen yet.


Yet it's something that I can't wait to learn. Literally, I can't wait. I'm extremely impatient. Not only will this program test my patience, but my skill, creativity, drive, passion... yikes.

I made a flower move today. This was a big step. Up until now, I would open the program, and begin to cry...not quite literally, but just thinking of all the power that is right there at my fingertips, and not having the SLIGHTEST idea of what to do next, is well, intimidating to say the least.




















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Knowing just how much I COULD accomplish and create with this program has actually been stifling me. I don't wanna start something I can't finish. So up until today, I put it off.


Yet here I am. I have begun to chip away at the fear of failure and disappointment. I have begun to convince myself of my own potential. This is something I want to get good at...and I can't let my own impatience get in my way this time.


Testing my potential seems to be a theme lately, in many areas of my life; And I am welcoming it. Quite stubbornly, but I believe in baby steps until it's time to leap.

For now, it's all about what I can do soon, and not what I can't do yet.

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raise your hand if

... you spent six years devoted to watching LOST
... you still have a million questions
... you are disappointed with the finale.



my hand remains by my side.

and not just because I'm typing.


no. I did not devote 6 years to the show. I devoted 6 days (and i mean entire days) and 4 months to the story that is 'Lost'. and while i loathed the fact that i finally got sucked in, i enjoyed (almost) every minute of it.

while i agree there were questions left "unanswered", I myself, have no more questions i need/want answered.

it seems to me, the majority of viewers have missed the point of the show.

it was never about the time traveling, or the polar bear, the brainwashing room, the tranceivers, or the heroin statues.

it was about the people.fate.faith.love.hope.loss.togetherness.

the show itself brought people together. got us talking. got us using our brains. and yes, got us focused on every detail we could possibly spot. and in the end, its not about those things at all. its about the big picture. the characters' journey's and their redeeming qualities. It's about the struggle, and the ways we deal with struggle. how the lives we lead affect the lives of those around us. and being more aware. and yes, letting go. of all of the things that you have no control over. of all of the little details that end up being inconsequential.

life will never provide us with all the answers we want, but if you let go, and stop asking "why?", accept what has happened, look at the big picture, and realize its beautiful in all of its ups & downs, and both the "What the Fuck" moments and the "ah HA!" moments.

our feet may leave, but not our hearts

When I came back to Maryland it was with purpose- and I am fulfilling that purpose daily. Its not really something that I will ever be done. A lifelong, ongoing, purpose.

It feels great to be home. I get to live, work, create, love, get wacky, laugh, work out, and pretty much do everything else with my best friend, my shlish. And its been a long time coming for us to share so many experiences with each other again. On the same note, I am so thankful to be able to spend time with my brother. He was pretty young when I left, and i will always hold a little bit of guilt in my heart for not being there while he was growing up. I feel like this is my chance to make up for lost time. And while it has usually been at separate times lately- being with my parents is always a good reminder of where I came from, who I am, and what I am capable of being. Really. This home is good to me. This home is good for me.

Aside from the joys of being with my family and friends, I have been spending time doing THINGS that I love. Creating. Driving the back roads. Walking barefoot in the grass. Enjoying everything the East Coast has to offer this time of year. All the while learning new things that I have always wanted to learn and having a job that lets me express myself creatively. Its pretty amazing.

still ...

I do have another home. I have faced the realization that I will always be leaving one home to get back to the other.

And recently my love for Ocean Beach has been flooding back into my life. Through videos I stumbled upon, and email updates, and voicemails from dear friends. I have been reminded so much in the past 3 days of just how much I love living in Ocean Beach, San Diego- I just know I will be back. This was always the idea. This was always the "plan" when I came back to Maryland. But it just feels so good to reassure myself that it IS my other home. I am allowed to have more than one.

I will never have the Appalachian trail in San Diego. I will never have Dog Beach in Maryland. I will never have the smell of manure baking in the sun in OB, and I will never have the salty breeze in the air in Middletown. But I will always feel at home, whether I'm on Monument Rd, or Newport Ave. And I am extremely grateful that I have found in 2 places what some cannot find anywhere.

There Were Things I Don't Remember

From time to time, i find myself remembering things I would rather forget, and forgetting things I would like to remember. I realized there are so many things in this life that I LOVE... so many, in fact, that I often get so distracted I forget how much I love them.

Like this woman:

Amy has starred in 2 TV shows, guest starred on many others, was in a Dolly Parton music video, a bunch of movies, written 2 books, co-written a book with Stephen Colbert& Paul Dinello, and many plays with her brother (who i ALSO adore...David Sedaris), & runs a cupcake/cheese ball business out of her own kitchen. Aside from all of her accomplishments she has made up husbands, loves bunnies, and has demonstrated on tv how to properly clean your lady parts. All in all I just just feel she is an amazingly awesome human being. I want to be her when i grow up.









I randomly came across an interview with Amy today, and it just reminded me of how much I love her. How many other things was I forgetting I loved?

Funny that you ask.

It started to rain very soon after arriving home. When I went outside, to suck in the 'fresh air' and some nicotine...

I saw one of these:

Sad to say, I had almost forgotten rainbows even existed in real life. CRAZY! right?

In just one day... a matter of hours really, I was reminded of 2 things that I had forgotten that I love.



Not taking things for granted is huge. Surrounding yourself with people/things that you love is HUGE.


Learning to let go of things that only keep you from remembering where the LOVE is, well that's the Hugest. Its something I struggle with constantly, and will continue to do. But there is beauty in that struggle.

So go forth and rejoice in the things that you love, and get rid of all the crap that is taking it's place in the pockets of your mind.

Remember Where the Love Was Found

one day without shoes

Today is April 8th.

Today is ONE day without shoes.

Are YOU barefoot?

learn more here : onedaywithoutshoes.com

I have taken the pledge to go the entire day without shoes, to raise awareness about how much a simple pair of shoes can affect a child's life. Will you walk with me?

no shame in being crazy

ladies & gentlemen.

please keep a safe distance from your monitor.

strap in.

prepare to laugh, sing, cry, dance, vomit, jump, curse, coo, sneeze, clap, throw things and possibly shit yourself. you can send me a bill for new undies if you can find me.

but honestly, just feel. something. anything

maybe even learn. and grow. because that is what i plan on doing. every day.

and now that you have stumbled upon my little nook... maybe you could stick around and grow with me as well.

so come and go as you please. have a drink. relax.

and if you never come back after today, well-

oh who am i kidding, you'll be back.